Being Bad
by Famine
Summary: Lani wants to be a bad grrl and decides to recruit her own gang of misfits. She fares well, but CAN she beat Zidane and Garnet?


"It's a lovely day for a walk in the park." Zidane said, smiling at Garnet. They were both googling and gaa-gaa over each other. "I know. I can't wait to go pick berries in the garden! Oh, Zidane! Look at this pretty rose." "It's beautiful. Just like you." "Oh, stop it!" She giggled, brushing his shoulder lightly. "Zidane. I think...we should get married!" Zidane's eyes nearly popped out. He was only 16, he didn't want to be caught up in marriage. "B-b-but, Dagger. We're only 16 years old!" "I'll be 17 next month. Besides, I love you. Don't you love me?" "Well...I...Umm.." He stuttered. "Party's over, Hero." A voice shouted from behind. Lani stood, her axe smacking into her hand. "You may have defeated me before, but not this time!" She charged at Zidane, swinging her axe in her hand. "OH CRAP!" She shouted, tripping over a stone in the grass. She landed face-first into the rose-garden. Zidane burst into laughter. "What's so funny, huh?" Lani asked, brushing the flowers off her. "Your pathetic excuse for being you." He said through laughing. "Hey. I'm a VILLAIN, ya know?" She said. "Go back to first grade, Lani." Garnet started laughing. "What the heck? That doesn't make sense, Jennifer Lopez-Butt." She said, flipping her hair and walking away. "Oh yeah." She said, turning around and throwing her huge axe directly at Dagger. She missed by a mile, sending it falling into the lake. "DAMN! I almost had it!" Lani sighed, running away.  
Zidane and Garnet were eating dinner, alone in the inn at Dali. "I'm worried about Lani." Garnet said. "Why? She chose the way of villainy. You shouldn't feel bad for her." "But...she's just misguided." Garnet said, beginning to argue. "Whatever." Zidane slurped up his spaghetti. Lani peeked through the window. "HEY! YOU!" A voice shouted. "I don't want anyone looking in here, ya see? You could be some common thief!" The Innkeeper shouted. "I'll get even with you, Zidane." Lani held her arms and walked into the shadows, freezing from the snow.  
Alexandria. Bright and Sunny. Lani had planned to get back at Zidane by turning his friends against him. "Can't you do anything right?!" She heard a voice scold. "I-I'm sorry, Sir!" A weaker voice said. "I don't know what I'm going to do with you, Kohel! You're the only soldier I've had to warn constantly not to hit on the Alexandrian Soldiers. They don't like it!" The bigger voice screamed. Kohel whimpered. "Go get dressed you lousy maggot." "Yes, sir Steiner!" Lani smiled. "Hi." She turned to face a half-naked Kohel. "Umm!" He said nervously. "I gotta go!" "Wait! Are you telling me Captain Steiner treats you that badly?" "W-Well...only me. I guess it's because I flirt a lot...it's just outta hab--nice boobs--bit." "I see. If you joined me, I'd treat you right." She said, whiping her hand across his face seductively. "Whaddya say?" She smiled. "Where do I sign up?!"  
Lindblum. Thriving and Prosperous. Lani and Kohel had planned to find some Lindblumoian soldiers to recruit for their new "gang". "Gyashl Pickles! Only 5 gil!" Grandma Pickle called out. "Anyone? Anyone want Gyashl Pickles?" She called out again. "I'll take one." Lani said, waving up 5 gil. Pickle immediatly grabbed it out of her hand. "Here you go. I hope you enjoy it." Lani moved closer to her. "Listen, I know you aren't getting much money. How about you join me and my gang. Your pickles will be perfect for poisoning." "P-Poison?! It sounds evil. I like it. How much will I get paid?" She asked. "One thousand gil to take out a few old friends." Grandma Pickle nodded. "You got yourself a deal, girly."  
The next day, everything was bright and cheery. Zidane had planned to go with Garnet, Cinna, Blank, and Marcus fishing. They sat at the dock, watching as nothing swam by and nothing got hooked by the fishing pole. "Zidane. I'm bored." Cinna whined. "I could sure use some Bundt Cake." "You ate five cakes this morning, Pig!" Blank scolded. "I OFFERED YOU SOME!" He snapped. "Hey. Where's all the chips?" "Slowly digesting it's way down Cinna's stomach." Blank muttered. "You fat pig!" Marcus shouted. "Don't worry, honey. Once we're through, you won't have an appetite." Lani said, leaning onto her axe. "Don't worry." Zidane said. "This girl couldn't kill a fire bomb." They started laughing. She looked at them, laughing at her, driving her to hate. "Wanna bet?" She said, throwing her axe. Blank felt a huge pain in his shoulder. "CHRIST!" He shouted, feeling the pain. "Oh crap." Zidane realized it wasn't Lani's axe, but rather a sword. Kohel walked up. "Any friend of Steiner's is an enemy of mine!" Cinna screamed, feeling something stabbing into his back. He fell forward. Garnet looked to see Lani's axe sticking out of his back. "Cinna!" She tried to help him. "We gotta get out of here!" Marcus shouted. "You're not going anywhere." Grandma Pickle laughed, carrying a bag of pickles. Marcus looked over. "Gyashal Disease!" She screamed, tossing a pickle at Marcus. It swormed over him, turning his skin green and warty. Zidane looked at his three friends, all dying seperatly in their own way. He turned around to see Garnet being held by Kohel. "You thought I was a nothing...hah!" Lani laughed, echoing as she used magic to vanish. Kohel and Grandma Pickle vanished, as well.  
"I knew this plan would work!" Lani said, proud with herself. "We've got the Queen of Alexandria chained, and soon we'll be the most feared group of Super-Villains to face all of Gaia." She laughed. "But, what if Zidane finds out where we are? I mean, they could have a radar detector or something." Grandma Pickle said. "Don't worry. In this warehouse, not even the king of theives will find us." The three of them started laughing. "Let me go you jerks!" Garnet shouted. "Pah. Puhlease! Do you think we're gonna let you go when you're our main objective?" Kohel harped. "What?" Garnet asked. "Don'tcha know? Once we find out where the Ifrit stone is, we're going to use you to summon it and destroy all of Alexandria." Lani elbowed Kohel. "You're giving away the whole plan, dummy." She sighed. "Anyway. I think it's time for a little...REWAAAAARD!" Lani smiled evily.  
"Spike....I can't do this...WE can't do this." "But, Buffy, I love you." "You don't know what love is. You're a vampire. You don't have a soul!" The TV said, all three of the "evil" teammates in tears. "Oh that Spike. I'd love to give him my pickles..." Grandma Pickle sobbed. "I feel so sorry for the guy. The only woman he ever loved--WAHHHH!" Kohel screamed. Meanwhile, at Alexandria, Zidane was pondering thoughts. "I don't know what to do." He kept saying in his head. "Yes. I do! I need to save Garnet!" He grabbed his stuff and ran out.  
"Hurry it up, Princess. We haven't got all day." Lani whined, Kohel dragging Garnet by a chain. "I'm not some animal that you can just chain up." She pleaded, only to get kicked in the gut by Lani. "Once I'm through with you, I'm going to kill you." She growled. They finally reached the cave. "Are you sure this is the place? It looks freaky." Grandma Pickle asked. "Yes, I'm sure. Now find the Ifrit Rock." Lani commanded. They looked all over the place. "Looking for this?" Zidane said, standing at the doorway. He had the rock in his hand. "How did you find me?" "It was so easy. All I had to do was ask Amarant. You know, gossiping with the good guys isn't what we would call "villainy". "Give me the rock!" Lani screamed. "A trade. Dagger for Ifrit!" "Are you crazy? Without the girl, the rock is useless!" She sneered. "I'll smash it." Zidane smiled. "I'll kill her." Kohel held a dagger up to Garnet's neck. "O-Okay!" Zidane said. He inched closer. "Grandma Pickle, get it from him." Lani commanded. Pickle nodded and walked over. She grabbed the rock. Zidane quickly grabbed Pickle from behind and held a dagger to her neck. "I'll kill HER!" "Go ahead. I don't need her, anyway."  
Grandma Pickle elbowed Zidane. "Here's the rock!" She tossed it to Lani. "Do the summon or I'll kill your boy toy." She howled. Garnet nodded sadly and screamed "Hell's Fire". Fire surrounded the cave. "What the heck!" Kohel screamed, getting burned. Lani laughed. "Perfect. Ifrit, destroy Alexandria!" To Lani's surprise, the fire burst around her. She screamed, getting burned in every place possible. "Gyashl Disaster!" Grandma Pickle shouted, squirting her pickles at the fire. It made the fire rise up more. "What the hell did you do?!" Lani asked Garnet. "Gave you what you wanted. Fire. Fire 3, to be exact. Now, to end it." She looked down. "Diamond Dust." Ice stopped the fire right where it was. "Okay, I'm outta here!" Kohel charged for the door. "Wait for meee!" Grandma Pickle screamed, running after him. "You're not going anywhere!" Lani screamed, burnt and bruised. Everything went black as she was clobbered over the head with Garnet's mallet. "Let's go!" Garnet said, running out of the cave. Zidane followed. "Let's make sure she doesn't get out again." Zidane said. Garnet nodded and used her lightning to strike the cave. The entrance was shut.  
Inside the cave, a very crusty Lani awaited. "I'll get you Zidane. And your little DOG TOO! MWAHAHAHA!" She cackled. She heard the cave shake. A huge boulder fell down, heading straight for Lani. "Oh cr--". Meanwhile, Zidane and Garnet stood at Alexandrian Hospital, over their best friends. "I'll use my Cure 3!" Garnet said, cheerfully. She cured all of them. "Ow, my buttocks." "Let's go fishing again. This time without the pesky villain gang attacking us." "Just don't eat all the chips again, okay?" "Sure." 


End file.
